Why did I lose so many followers today? What the hell Tumblr? :(

She’s running. The slap of rubber shoe soles on weathered asphalt, and the rush of panting breath, lungs grasping for oxygen.  Freezing air is burning through her chest like a thousand wasps, vibrating, reverberating, and stinging. The clumsy stumbles over small scattered zones and bad footing into the black darkness of a cold night. Desperate, eyes wide and wild with fear. But she is alone, she was always alone, never mind the people that she enjoys pretending are her friends, make-believe loved ones. She’s alone and desperate, it’s late and nobody is bothered to be woken up by her pleas for help. From what her eyes can focus through the dense, heavy darkness enveloping everything, there is nothing around her, just emptiness, nothingness.  She pauses in an attempt to gain her bearings, heart pounding in her chest, as if it were trying to escape as well. She realizes she’s lost; hopelessly lost. She begins to get anxious, get nervous. When she’s nervous she mulls over random facts in her brain and hews on the right side of her lip. Once she met a handsome young man in an airport terminal on a beautiful humid evening, the best day of her life and she was nervous then, too. Inside the subway, staring out of the window at the dreary cement tunnel, nervous as ever, chewing the right corner of her mouth absent minded, until a familiar, irony taste began to fill her mouth. Blood. She was bleeding. Blood everywhere, from all the scrapes on her knees, in a panic running, and stumbling through an unrelenting darkness. Shin bones covered in a cold, sticky coagulate, and blue with soft, tender bruises. The sounds coming from behind her draw nearer, the deep guttural growls, the hungry gleaming eyes. She continues running forward, the cold stinging her eyes now, as her tears fall and soak her hair, which clings to her face and neck like on humid summer days. She would spend summer days at the beach, enjoying the ocean when she was small. Her life was always surrounded by the sea. There was a time when she, escaped from the vision of doting mother, was sucked into the tide and into the waves, being thrown about, and tumbling like a rag-doll, she was drowning, andfighting for air. Helpless.  Struggling to breathe, as the frigid air burns her throat and eyes, covered in irony, maroon blood. On that same beach she remembered, that summer when she thought she was too grown than she actually was. That was the summer her innocence was destroyed, and she left behind the careless worries of being a young girl too soon, and grew up into a broken, ruined young woman. A scar that if visible, would be disfiguring, a deep wound. She stumbles and rolls her ankle, loses balance and falls hard onto the asphalt, bracing her fall with her hands, and feeling her soft palms become raw, torn by the texture of the old road.  The tweak and wince of a wrist bent in the wrong direction. The presence behind her gets stronger, close, shadows enveloping her, it gets hard to breathe. She’s struggling, kicking, fighting. The gleaming, hungry eyes come closer. She can smell the stench of death on their exhales. She cries out for help, but all the people who pretended to care, were not there for her in her most vulnerable moment. She is alone, this cold night, and everyone else is happy, safe, and comfortable. She weeps, and tries to pull herself up, but the strength is drained from her body. She curses in anger; she led herself to this desolate and dangerous place. Teeth and claws, black fur, they surround her, she has lost. Saliva clings from glistening lips and teeth.  She closes her eyes as the footsteps, grunts and hungry roars inch closer, and lets her mind wander to a different time. Intertwining fingers, holding hands, and dragging luggage. It’s late, but it was hot during the day in the city, so the coolness is welcomed. Giggles and laughter, putting aside jetlag, and sleep out of sheer excitement and joy. A face so familiar, and so missed, made her feel like maybe she wasn’t broken after all. Two figures pass out of the view of the street lamp, walking underneath an overpass, it’s nearly midnight. They stop and he grabs her and turns her towards him, and leans in for a kiss.  The wolves close in, and consume her. She is gone.

If I died, I only know 3 people who would show up to my funeral.

Awake waiting for the husband to come home from work any minute now, whilst laying in the bed covered in satin bedding, naked and listening to Trey Songz and J.Holiday…

Man! Quitting Cigarettes is so fucking difficult! It;s day 9 Cold turkey! No Nicorette gum or anything! I am having a killer craving, I am up at midnight just craving a cigarette! Ugh! I don’t know what to do!